Here I go again, back in the same place I was mid July (or even earlier). Knee is flared up, having to cancel activity plans, hobbling along, skinny jeans are out of the question, bummed out.
I reread my last emails with my DPT from July. We had listed all these things I was going to modify to help the pain such as: TENS more, tape daily (not just for weight lifting), cut out the TRX squats stuff, lower weights for moves that seem to aggravate things. Well, I actually didn't do any of that stuff once I resumed rehab a couple weeks ago after the hiatus. I believe I was thinking, "Now I have more time, I'm going to pour myself into rehab, increase my weights, charge after it!" My expectations were off, maybe just due to how far along I am perhaps. I know what I have to change, so now I have to make those things happen. It is nice to have my DPT explain things to me in such a way that I feel like it's all normal, expected, all while cheering me on constantly. Still doesn't make having no timeline easy. Just need to stay in the moment and focus on what needs to take place today. Expectation management. I retook my knee scores. Last scores were from 90 days ago. I was excited to retake the test because seeing those numbers go up really give a boost! Surprisingly, despite being more functional compared to 90 days ago (with the biking, hiking, etc), all my scores went down. Probably because the week I happen to take them was a pretty painful week and questions are biased towards pain. Just goes to show tests don't always give the real picture. Not going to let numbers get me down, but here they are.
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We're still feeling lost at home without our old puppy. Gina has been gone nearly a month and we already left the house 15 nights so far. I haven't done anything with her beds or stuff, everything is still all lying about. I resumed rehab and surprisingly upped all the weights despite the rehab hiatus. I went to a local music festival last weekend and danced quite a bit, but I also rationed when I danced and saved it only for the bands I loved. Yes, there was dancing with pain, but sometimes you just gotta dance! By the second night, the knee was quite sore and stiff. I was unsure if I could even get on a bike Sunday morning. Low and behold I did a 9+ mile ride mostly on single track. It wasn't steep so that is what made it possible. I didn't get in a rehab that day (knee wasn't up for it), so only two total sessions for the week (always aiming for 3 rehab sessions). I made some future plans despite not knowing if my knee will be ready. Yeah I don't usually make plans! It's the White Rim trip in Canyonlands - a 100 mile bike ride. I reserved my remote campsites which people usually book months in advance. I got two decent sites 2+ months to go. Sometimes people do this ride in 3 or 4 days, others do it one full day. You can do it self supported meaning you bike with all your food and water (or tow a trailer), or you can have it supported and someone drives a 4WD truck to all the sites. I'm going to do it supported, husband will drive the Tacoma. A friend will join me. The campsites are backcountry campgrounds in Canyonlands National Park and often fill up quickly. It's a remote place, no cell service, you need to be very self-sufficient. So that is over 70 days away! Am I ready? Not right now! But I am hoping to be ready. That's 10+ weeks. I decided to cut out the 20 miles of flat boring road at the top that isn't officially on the White Rim. Three days, two nights. I have 10 weeks left, potentially 30 or so rehab sessions. I'll be 20 months post op - I sure hope I'm ready! I don't think it's out of the question, but I realize things can happen too... Photo from Rim Tours website - or you can hire a company. I've always thought making physical goals during this recovery process was super hard - like how can I possible plan anything when the knee will decide everything?!?!? Even today at 1.5 years, I had to cancel a bike ride for today. We are supposed to go camping and biking for the weekend. Unsure right now if that will happen.
Last night at rehab, something really hurt next to my kneecap during an exercise I've done before. So much that I just had to sit down right where I was standing. The pain took my breath away. I wondered if I could even leave the building. I almost asked some stranger to put away my weights for me. I sat there for a few minutes, rubbing my knee. Thankfully I was able to leave on my own. I didn't get in my leg press or leg extensions in. I could have used crutches last night, but they are at a friend's house. I regretted making any White Rim plans. What was I thinking? I'm not ready to make any plans still. Not out of the woods yet for quirky things going on with the knee. Today is better; I'm walking slowly and gently. Just going hour by hour. I guess I will walk around the grocery store and get food for the trip and see how that goes. I'm assuming it will resolve! Working on my mindset and trying to not let this get me down! It's been nearly a month since I have made a blog post. On July 25th, we said goodbye to our sweet old puppy. She was 14 years and 9 months old. I have had her since she was 16 weeks old. She passed away at home surrounded by our love. Gina had a wonderful long, adventure-filled life, so that brings us comfort she had the best world. Still there is a looming sadness without her present. Today is the first day of figuring out our new life and routine. Shortly after she passed, we decided to pack up our little camper and run away for a while. We've had some very hard last few months and it was a welcomed distraction to work on a project (aka packing). I haven't done any rehab in 23 days, but I will resume tomorrow and it will be my main focus now. Life comes at you in chapters.
While on our escape, I did to a lot of hiking and biking and also tried to catch up on sleep. I am not sleeping very well just yet, but have had a few 10 hour nights. I also started to not use my Ace bandage wrap for a few of my adventures. It all started with a ride where I forgot to switch out my "nice and clean" bandage wrap for my "dusty sweaty" one. I didn't want to get it all sweaty so I took it off and decided to ride with a naked knee for a while. It felt weird but more doable. I was starting to get a major tan line from that wrap. I'm sure I'll use it again. Tomorrow marks 1.5 years since ACL surgery and over 7 months into the new rehab. A few of my adventure photos. The goal was to stay above 8,000 feet altitude due to the hot temperatures. These are from several different places in NV and UT. Feels good to have been active so many days, but still quite evident I need more strength and stamina. I want to hike the Dolomites one day, do multi day bike packing trips - that is not possible yet! Must keep going. |
AuthorA 45 year old active female who tore her ACL in January 2017 (at the age of 40). Reconstructive surgery in February 2017 with bone-patellar tendon-bone autograft. Archives
November 2022
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