A while back, I was invited on a girls' ski trip happening this month (March 2020). This group of ladies utilize their teaching spring break and husbands watching the kids, to go on a trip. Good for them! Last year it was a mountain biking/camping trip, but I couldn't go because I had just started the wrist protocol and biking was on hold. By the way, I am 11 months into that wrist protocol, making slow progress.
The friend asked if I was skiing yet. I said no, but I hope to be cross country skiing at least. I started to envision cross country skiing, getting excited about the possibility, even mapping out in my head a introductory plan for myself! (Cross country was approved back in November before my foot thing started.) Since that invitation, I have received an MRI and actual diagnosis of my foot issue (tendonitis). Now I'm 3 weeks into a 4 month rehab plan to get it back to running so I can get on with the rest of rehab. Snowshoeing, walking on snow, cross country skiing are not good ideas for this stage of the process. I tested a snowy trail walk last weekend; it was too long, too uneven and confirmed I'm not ready yet. However, I can briskly walk a hour on pavement with some pain but no limping. That is progress from 3 weeks ago! I couldn't walk briskly then. I considered bringing my fat bike on this ski trip. There is a network of groomed snowmobile trails in this area (I've already mapped them all out!), at 10,000 feet! I did a fat bike test a couple weeks ago and any janky snow or hills added to my foot issue, plus jacked up my arm/neck issues. These secondary issues are due to loading up the arm too soon in my wrist protocol. I'm not actually cleared to bike yet, so this could in fact set me back. Plus fat biking is such a conditional sport, if it happens to be warm and melty, that is no good. Then I considered ways to entertain myself without snow. Heck I even googled "things for non skiers to do at a ski resort." Walk the town trail (looked flatish), use the hotel's exercise room (I saw a treadmill, bike and leg extension machine on their website), utilize the hot tub and pool, read, maybe treat myself to a massage. I wasn't sure if it'd be enough to make it worth the $ and driving distance. Yes, I know that sounds like a dream vacation for some (honestly I could do that all at home). In the end, I declined. I just had too much anxiety about it all. It is just embarrassing how long this has been going on, but I have to remind myself I'm doing everything possible that I can do make progress. I felt relieved when I finally said no. They've already got 4 confirmed yeses. Their hotel room only sleeps 4. If there were more confirmed yeses, then getting another hotel room made sense, but it didn't make sense if I were the 5th yes. Plus they all are coming from the same town, the logistics will be simple. I also didn't want them to have think twice about me hanging out at the hotel solo. In general, people don't really understand what is going on. This also could be part of it. One of these friends told me that she has some kind of pain everyday but she just pushes through it, so she doesn't understand why I don't push through it too. Another friend said why can't you just cross country ski instead (even though I JUST said all snow fun is off the table currently)? The foot thing has been going on for months, I really need to rehab this right so I don't delay things once again. So yeah, I was feeling a bit insecure and inadequate about everything! I am using my journal and this blog to reflect on this. I created a lot of anxiety for myself. I don't want to feel sorry for myself, but I do just a little bit right now. I need to turn this around. I tell myself it won't always be like this. I have a rehab plan for everything - knee, foot, arm/wrist - just need to trust the process. It's not going to be like this forever!
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AuthorA 45 year old active female who tore her ACL in January 2017 (at the age of 40). Reconstructive surgery in February 2017 with bone-patellar tendon-bone autograft. Archives
November 2022
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